"Inward Gaze"

Not sure of the exact date that I wrote this, but it was back in 2001, so I would have been fourteen at the time.

"Inward Gaze"
Carey Nofziger, 2001

My gaze is turning inward;
Lord, turn my eyes to those
Who, for the sake of Jesus,
Suffer trials and woes.

My eyes are on myself, Lord,
Please pluck them if you must,
So that I shall be dependant
And in You only trust.

My thoughts are on my fate, Lord,
Please turn them towards the goal
Of planting seeds of gospel truth,
And fishing for some souls.

My heart is broken so, Lord,
Please mend it up again,
So that I can be more cheerful
And be a fisher of men.

I Surrender All

For the past month the Lord has taught me many lessons about surrender, and they've all been very painful and/or uncomfortable. Corrie Ten Boom once said, "I hold all things lightly, so it won't hurt for my Father to pry them loose from my hands." I had to learn not to hold on too tightly.

Before I left for Canada at the beginning of this month, Mom bought a signed copy of Elisabeth Elliot's "A Chance to Die" for me to read on the plane. It forever changed my life. As I read, the Lord convicted me of my need to surrender everything in my life -- something I hadn't done. I experienced small moments of surrender -- where I gave up little things or parts of big things -- but I wasn't living surrender. Right there in the plane I surrendered all to God, not knowing the consequences, but looking forward to the ultimate prize -- Jesus Christ Himself.

Reader, when you surrender all of your life to God the consequences are often costly and usually painful, but "he is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" (Jim Elliot).

During my week in Canada, the Lord took me at my word and required not only the dearest thing to my heart, but my life as I knew it or had thought it would be. Everything was turned over. When I said I wasn't coming back the same Carey as when I left, I wasn't kidding. I left the old Carey behind me.

The moment I returned to the US, God had already taken care of so many things for me that I thought I had to deal with when I returned. There were some things that I had to give up, and I gave them up gladly. But there was still one thing I struggled to surrender. I had held it so closely to my heart, that I did not even realize at first how much it would hurt to let go... but I had to.

I have written before about laying your Isaac on the altar -- a great topic to write about and exhort others to do, but when it came to applying it to myself it was an entirely different matter. Reader, I guarantee you that when you are a child of God being sanctified, the Lord will at some point ask you to surrender something (or someone) very precious to you. Only until you surrender it completely will you even have the chance of getting it back. Maybe your sacrifice will be required and never returned, but I do know one thing: if you do not surrender your heart's desire, you most surely will not get it back.

Does this sound cruel? I sometimes felt that God had dealt cruelly with me. Why did He answer so many prayers and make the situation seem like His will -- only to take it away from me? But when I step back and look over this summer (in particular), I would not change a thing that happened. The spiritual growth brought forth and the deepening that only pain can bring is priceless. Even if I never get back my "Isaac," I take comfort because God worked beauty into me through the furnace -- and I have only a glimpse of the end result. I would go through that over and over again. God's will is perfect.

The entire week I was in Canada, one hymn continually played through my mind -- "I Surrender All." It has become my theme song:

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

This past Sunday, I heard a sermon that drove the point home for me: "The Cost of Being a Disciple." When you are a disciple of Christ, you have to follow His example and deny yourself the passions and desires that rule your life, crucify your flesh, take up your cross as Christ did... you must lose your life in order to gain it (Mark 8:35-36). My life is not my own, and if you are a follower of Christ -- neither is yours.

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith -- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

~ Philippians 3:7-16 (ESV)

He satisfies the longing soul

Psalm 107:1-9 (ESV)

1 Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good,
for His steadfast love endures forever!
2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,
whom He has redeemed from trouble
3 and gathered in from the lands,
from the east and from the west,
from the north and from the south.
4 Some wandered in desert wastes,
finding no way to a city to dwell in;
5 hungry and thirsty,
their soul fainted within them.
6 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and He delivered them from their distress.
7 He led them by a straight way
till they reached a city to dwell in.
8 Let them thank the LORD for His steadfast love,
for His wondrous works to the children of men!
9 For He satisfies the longing soul,
and the hungry soul He fills with good things.

In my quiet time this morning, I "happened" to open to Psalm 107 and verse 9 "happened" to catch my eye -- "For He satisfies the longing soul..." Of course, I had to dig into the Hebrew Lexicon.

The Hebrew word used for "satisfies" literally means "to be satiated or enriched" -- blessed in over-abundance. "Longing" denotes running to and fro with a greedy eagerness. What I found particularly interesting was the word used for "soul." Now, when you think of a soul what immediately comes to your mind? My first thought was that it referred to an actual person (such as when we say "the poor soul"), but it's more than just that...

nephesh [neh'-fesh] -- living being (with life in the blood); the man himself, self, person or individual; seat of the appetites; seat of emotions and passions; activity of mind

The Lord does indeed satisfy the hungering soul. We have a God-shaped vacuum that only He can fill, and we try to fill this gap with everything else (Christians included) -- success, money, friends, human love, material possessions -- you name it.

Of course, we have human desires. The Lord knows the "longings of my soul," but He often takes those crutches from me to draw myself closer to Him -- a constant reminder that ultimately, my Beloved is the only one who can satisfy me.

The Barren Women Rejoice

Last time I posted on this blog, I had spoken of Hannah and how the Lord hearkened to an honest prayer and opened the womb of a barren woman.

As Hannah rejoiced yet over her man child, Samuel, she gets on her praying knees which had served her well and utters one of my favorite verses.

Sa 2:5 They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble.

Just today, I stumbled upon verse nine of Psalm 113.

Psa 113:9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

Amen, Lord! How many Biblical women were barren, yet the Lord opened their wombs. Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah and Elisabeth, yet none did the Lord forsake. I know a lot can be said and taught from this, but tonight, my heart rejoices in that we, also, serve that same God of miracles.

Heb 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

Praise ye the Lord, for He doeth great things for His children; miraculous things for His daughters.

If our Lord Jesus Christ maketh the barren to bare seven children and maketh her a joyful mother then that can only reaffirm that nothing is too impossible for Him.

Matthew 19:26 With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

What, then, have I to doubt, what have I to fear? Nothing, for the Lord, He is my God.

Joshua 2:11 For the LORD your God, he is God in heaven above, and in earth beneath.