Carey's Testimony

Like Leila, I was brought up with a religious background. Though we moved around a lot, my mother made sure that we went to church. For the first ten years of my life we wandered from church to church and from home to home. Growing up, my mother was my anchor; neither my father nor my older brother were saved, so I did not have a strong older male influence. It was my mother who taught me the Bible from a very young age. She told me that I "asked Jesus into my heart" at the age of five, but to this day I have no remembrance of this moment.

At the age of nine, I was a good little girl: I attended church and Sunday school with my mom, did almost everything I was asked to do, ate my vegetables, etc. but I did not have a serious grasp on salvation. I wanted to be baptized, so I went in for an "interview" with the pastor of the church we were currently attending. The first question he asked me was, "What is sin?" I couldn't answer that because I really had no clue.

That Christmas season, I went with a group of children to minister to the elderly at a nursing home. We sang songs, read poetry, and visited with the older people. One girl read a poem that particularly struck me: "Twas the Night Before Jesus Came" by Audrey Patricia Woolverton.

'Twas the night before Jesus came and all through the house
Not a creature was praying, not one in the house.
Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care
In hopes that Jesus would not come there.

The children were dressing to crawl into bed.
Not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap
Was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.

When out of the East there arose such a clatter.
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But angels proclaiming that Jesus was here.
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray
I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!

The light of His face made me cover my head
It was Jesus! returning just like He had said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.

In the Book of Life which He held in His hand
Was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name;
When He said "it's not here" my head hung in shame.

The people whose names had been written with love
He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound.
While all the rest were left standing around.

I fell to my knees, but it was too late;
I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight;
Oh, if only I had been ready tonight.

In the words of this poem the meaning is clear;
The coming of Jesus is drawing near.
There's only one life and when comes the last call
We'll find that the Bible was true after all!

I couldn't remember a salvation experience and was suddenly very afraid that Jesus would come back that minute... and I would be left behind! So I prayed another prayer.

My personal relationship with Jesus did not develop into a more mature relationship until I was thirteen. This is when I began to see that Jesus was not a baby in a manger scene, nor an angry Judge, nor some figure on a cross in a church. I realized that Jesus was real, and that I could have a loving, personal relationship with Him. I began writing about my journey with Him. Journaling has been an opportunity to see my spiritual growth over the years, as well as providing a way for me to read about my past mistakes.

This beautiful relationship has brought me through many trials: my dad losing his job, family issues, my parents nearly separating, considering suicide more than once, depression, eating disorders, and many others. The Lord was merciful to bring me out of these valleys of life stronger. He was there beside me every step, even when I didn't notice. But for the grace of God, I would not be here today. It is also because of His mercy that He brought my dad to a saving knowledge of Him last year and spared our family from becoming fractured. It was truly a miracle, and I still look back in astonishment.

I have discovered that the Christian life is not all fun and happiness, but without the Lord I would not have come out of my struggles alive. He is a loving father to the fatherless. Just like every other human, I am incomplete without Him.